I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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