Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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