hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize