His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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