she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
