You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
