dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
