Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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