Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
