Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize