Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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