woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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