Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
