News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
