I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
