you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
did you just send me my own nude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drake has all the answers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
