i just google imaged poop.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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