so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
