I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found puke in my bra..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
