but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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