I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize