Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
