Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize