Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
