He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
