my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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