i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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