Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
