From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
