I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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