Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
