I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cockslap morals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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