Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize