Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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