She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
