I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
