She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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