you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
