...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
