apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
