That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
