uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
