Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
