he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
