so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The ass gains better be worth it
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