I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize