no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize