Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's never too late to be topless.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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