He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
