The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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