i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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