Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
