went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
