this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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