I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
