I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
