he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize