my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
