You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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