Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
