I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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