another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
