what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
