i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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