dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
