they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
