I am in a vortex of obligation.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
