I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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